Day 3 of SNOW

I know people are mocking Seattle. But we have gotten more snow in a day than we usually do in a year. It is a giant ice skating rink and the coldness bites your bones. We have two more snow storms and I am so over it. The sleep deprivation from the overnight at work has taken its toll. I am just hoping I can keep being positive at work. I think that is the hardest part– maintaining my sanity being so tired. (There is really only one person I want to push over in the snow and lock the doors!)

I am so tired I am waiting as long as I can to go to bed. A 7:00pm bedtime tonight? That seems okay to me! 7 days in a row of work… 4 more to go. I deserve an early bedtime!

Try something new…

I told myself I needed to try something new. Transferring to Aegis of Kent I have been reinvigorated in trying new art. I do not consider myself an artist AT ALL, but I am trying something new. I am trying and enjoying it. It has proven to be a great way to decompress in the evening. Tonight I attempted a lion and used chalk pastels.

Meditation

I have been away from the blogger-sphere for a little while. I have been suffering from some nasty depression and anxiety this past month. Something I really do not like to talk about. Even though I probably should. I noticed that there were many things I was doing… things I stopped… that really helped to keep my anxiety in check. One of these is blogging (I even pre-planned posts in my planner. Because it just isn’t legit if it isn’t in my planner)…

The other is meditating. Meditation is something Emese, my health coach, brings up quite frequently. We talk about the benefits: it reduces stress, improves concentration, encourages healthy lifestyles, increases self-awareness, INCREASES HAPPINESS, increases acceptance, slows aging, and there is cardiovascular and immune health benefits.

I have a REALLY hard time quieting my mind. In fact, usually in January I do a “quiet January”. I turn off the radio, stop listening to blogs and shows, and just drive in peace. It has usually been an amazing time of self-realization and making plans for the upcoming year. This January was far from quiet.

So in an effort to re-center my soul, decrease my anxiety, and quiet my mind. I have been reusing some of my meditation apps. Every morning I am beginning to sit up and give myself a moment of quiet reflection after praying, but at night I use my meditation/hypnosis apps. I notice a difference in some of them. The nights when I use the Sleep Well app… I SLEEP WELL! The Migraine app, truly does lessen my migraines… I wake up in a better mood after I meditate, and I don’t feel as jumpy. I know I have a long way to go, but meditation really does seem to help. Have you had any benefits to meditating?

Illness of Lost Opportunities

Being at work on Christmas has got me thinking of some pretty intense things.

“Social anxiety is characterized by a significant amount of fear in one or more social situations causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others.

SAD is sometimes referred to as an “illness of lost opportunities” where “individuals make major life choices to accommodate their illness”. .. the main diagnostic criteria of social anxiety disorder are fear of being the focus of attention, or fear of behaving in a way that will be embarrassing or humiliating, avoidance and anxiety symptoms.”

I feel like a fraud. I hate to admit my flaws (although there are many). I like to appear as if I have everything together and that I have this positive perfect and happy life. That is not always the case. I am not kidding when I say that my social anxiety makes me angry. I use to be fearless. I use to not care if I made a fool of myself. I was secure in who I was and would go above and beyond to be active and social and in front of crowds. It kind of has come and gone in my life. I remember feeling awkward around others in high school, much as if I didn’t belong… was fairly socially adventurous in college… and as an adult kind of reverted. Now I sometimes will cry just thinking of being around people. I fear being around anyone. I very rarely feel like I belong anywhere. THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO BE. I want to enjoy life. I want to love myself unconditionally. I want to be fearless and secure. I am fine with my seniors. I am secure being around them, but why not in my personal life?

How do you cope with social anxiety? How do you overcome the “illness of lost opportunities”? What natural treatments do you use to overcome these feelings? I can’t just “get over it”… I have tried that. It’s not easy to talk yourself out of what your mind believes. I personally do not want to take medications, although I know they help a lot of people.

 

Things I am sure will help? Exercising more frequently and restarting Whole30. I truly notice a difference in how I feel on that strict Whole30 Diet.